Company Picnic
by Parodys
Summary: Our favorite baddies take the day off from terrorizing the planet and have a little of 'me' time.


Disclaimers: Hey folks! I don't own the characters, although I do have a great recipe for the egg salad! I got this idea while reading Windsifter's story about a bad guy convention….absolutely hysterical. So I asked if I could use the idea and he/she said yes….so instead of a convention…what about a company picnic?

A/N: This was created for Ambrosia, my beta who needs a laugh (hopfully with me !). I am willing to admit my knowledge of these characters is limited so don't chew me out if I get something wrong….that's about it…read, review and stay for the food afterwards if you want! 

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Egg salad was nice. Really _nice_. It was a nice yellow and had interesting chunks of stuff in it. Sabertooth stirred the bowl thoughtfully, dipping a finger in the mixture. And it wasn't too bad either.

"Are you done already??" Magneto hollered from the backyard.

"Shut the hell up! I'm trying to cook here." Sabertooth screeched back, tossing a couple of mugs out the window for good measure. "Egotistical, magnet head..." he muttered under his breath.

"I heard that!"

Ignoring him, Sabertooth added the final touches to his salad, two sprigs of parsley. It was just perfect, and the green bunches added a nice aura to his food. The grocery lady had looked at him really weird when he had bought it, but it hadn't lasted long. Her curiosity that is. Last thing he remembered she was running screaming for her life out of the store. Sheesh, growl at a person once and bare your teeth... "Women." Shaking his head, he headed outside where Magneto was manning the barbecue.

Magnus was wearing a snazzy (if he did say so) chef's hat and an apron that said, "Kiss the chef" with a picture of a pig on it. For a lack of better judgement Magneto had decided that he needed some domesticity in his life. In the lives of his team to more specific and so he had arranged a 'company picnic' of sorts- just your basic everyday time off from taking over the world and ridding yourself of humans job, with hot dogs and jello.

"Imff borth." Toad whined from his perch on the picnic table. He had been assigned recreations director, and so far had only managed to annoy Mystique by flicking her on the ear a few times with his tongue. It hadn't lasted very long; by the third time she grabbed it and threatened to cut it off and toss it in the grill. So of course, he was currently nursing his burnt tongue. "Youfth mieth haff ruinth ith."

"Oh suck it up Toad." Mystique rolled her eyes, and turned over basking in the warm sun. She had used the 'opportunity' (for lack of better words) to get a tan. It was pure curiosity that made her lay out in the sun,who knew what a tan would look like on dark blue skin. If she had her way, pretty damn good. "We're all suffering here. Why the hell are we doing this? There are so many other things we could be doing. Terrorizing..."

"Killing..."Sabertooth piped up from the depths of a toy box he had found lying around.

"Mwahem, pwillathing..."

Everyone looked up at Toad who was trying to maneuver his mouth. "Huh?"

"MWAhem ahn pwhaligink..."

Magneto shrugged, "Murder and sailing...I don't know. Sabertooth, any ideas?"

The larger mutant tossed aside a pink hat and pulled out a feathered boa. "I've never had any idea what he talks about. What the hell is this? Did a flamingo die?"

"It's a boa." meat sizzled on the grill as more spices were liberally tossed on. "Mystique?"

"Who cares what frog boy has to say, which by the way was MAYhem and Pillaging." Stretching, she got up from the lawnchair where she had been sitting and walked over to Magneto. "Some of us have better things to do than discuss the finer points of..." She glanced at Toad for a second. "Pillaging? What are we, pirates? Not all of us need to make up for an obvious short-man complex, Toad. What do they say about short guys...they have short.."

Sabertooth guffawed, sending up a shower of toys that landed everywhere.

"Mom said that I was perfectly normal for my size! You...you...smurf!" Toad yelled, launching at her brandishing a nerf football.

"You have crossed the line, wartpus!" Mystique screamed and started throwing marbles at him. "I am no way near that ugly shade of blue."

Magneto sighed with pleasure as he watched his brood interact. Yes, nothing like these little get togethers to make you appreciate one another...bodily harm each other..."Mystique put him down! He'll make a mess in the yard that way! Sabertooth, a little help here?"

The latter mutant just shook his head, laughing so hard that he was rolling on the floor.

"I bet Xavier never had to put up with this kind of...of shenanigans." Magneto yelled.

"X-man wannabe." Sabertooth called out to him.

Magnus' face paled. "You take that back. I hate the man's guts. He's such a goodie goodie."

Sabertooth sauntered up to him and picked up a rare burger off the grill and ate it. Licking his fingers one by one, he stared the older man in the eyes and said, "Xavier envying, balding, fat ass, failure of a world dictator piece of trash."

"Eat this hairy!" Grabbing a handful of yellow goop, he flung it into Sabertooth's face.

"My salad! You're going down for this frail!" Roaring, he leapt towards the other man and soon salad, jello and in one painful instance grease from the grill, was flying around the yard.

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Storm and Rogue looked down at the chaos that they had been called to investigate (a report of projectile jello). Food was plastered over every square inch and aside from the thing Mystique was doing to Toad's tongue, nobody looked like they were getting hurt.

"Ah say we pretend we nevah saw this and head over to Harry's for an hour." Rogue suggested hopefully.

Storm hovered indecisively for about two seconds, and then after wiping mashed potatoes from her face nodded. "Let's get out of here. Some things are just too weird."

Rogue watched the mayhem with wide eyes. "What are we going to tell them when we get back?"

Storm just shrugged as they flew off leaving the happy terrorists behind. "There are some things that even they won't believe."

-fin-


End file.
